i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
