i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
