fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
