hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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