Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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