And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
