Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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