I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
