I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
