Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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