The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
