he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
