also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
