Say something about gay babies.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
