just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
