Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
