I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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