Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
