its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
