i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
