never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
