And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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