at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
