she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
