Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
