went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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