I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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