dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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