Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
