we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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