I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
