She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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