it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
