Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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