Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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