Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
