I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
