Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
whose parrot is this?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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