I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
