Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
