tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
