Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
