and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
