The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
