Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
