Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
