he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize