guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
