"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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