I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
