Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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