Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
