Christians are straight up FREAKS
I accidentally had phone sex last night
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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