i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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