She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize