5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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