So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
