i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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