my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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