you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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