it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
