she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
