just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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