My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
