This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
