this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
