and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
