I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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