The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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