just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
