thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
