I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
