He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
