After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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