Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He has the fingertips of a God
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