saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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