Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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