You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
