Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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