just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
