Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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