No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize