I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
