help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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