i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
